Monday, 20 April 2015

Loving the clitoris

This fancy clitoral stimulator was apprehended whilst trying to audition for the Muppet show
For many men, sex that doesn't involve the penis in some way is very frustrating. Women have their very own "penis", the clitoris, and it has just as many nerve endings as the penis. Yet the way we have sex tends to leave the clitoris out of the picture. 

That's why I'm going to talk about the clitoris today. About a really good book on the clitoris, and about some wisdom I got out of the local sex shop. But before I do, let me go off on a tangent. It's not even a tangent, because it's completely unrelated to the clitoris. But what the heck.

Anyway, I have a number of funky titles on my bookshelf, being a sexpert and all. Yay! what a pun! Sex+expert=sexpert. Oh... my husband says it's actually not that funny. Whatever. Here are a few of my favourite titles:

- The Clitoral Truth -


- The Vagina Book. -


And my personal downfall:


- Lose Weight! Get Laid! Find God! -


In which Ben Carey and Henrik Delehag tell you what to do with each year of your life. Age 30: procreate. Tick! Now 31, I'm supposed to be making "a doomed attempt at staying in shape". Remember how I went crazy going dancing three nights a week and all? Trust me, those days are long gone... though now that it's warm enough for beach salsa, I might just go back to it... Did I ever mention that I live on the Côte d'Azur? Mouahahahaha! Skipping ahead to age 37: Have an early midlife crisis. Age 99: Have a near-death experience. And so forth.

Then I find THE page. Age 23: Sleep around. With a grid to document your conquests. Now I just so happened to be 23 when I got this book. I don't know about you, but whenever I'm presented with a blank grid to fill in about myself, I can't resist. And for some reason, ever since that fateful day when I went on a trip down memory lane and diligently filled in all the sections on the page, every single one of my house guests seems to be irresistably drawn to this book. Seriously, I put it on the top shelf in the living room, thinking: what is the likelihood anyone will notice it there? But inevitably, they will zoom in on that particular bookshelf, and a dainty hand will spring up to pluck this jinxed book of doom off the shelf.

The Clitoral Truth


Anyway. I wasn't actually going to talk about Lose Weight! Get Laid! today. Instead, I want to recommend The Clitoral Truth by Rebecca Chalker. Here's why: Rebecca is an assiduous researcher, and hers is the only book which focuses entirely on the clitoris, where to find it exactly (it's got exterior and interior parts, did you know?), how it works, and its history. Clitoral history? Does that even exist? Oh yes. It includes people like Freud telling us that mature women must have vaginal orgasms and not clitoral orgasms and all that pile of bullshit. Remember: Freud is not your Friend!!! And: the vaginal orgasm is incredibly rare.



So, why should we pledge to handle our clitorises with love, respect, and naughtiness, for as long as we live? Because it's our very own version of the penis. Here are three facts to remember about the clitoris:

1. The clitoris has at least as many nerve endings as the penis.

2. Most women can't reach orgasm without sustained stimulation of their clitoris. Think about it: would your average guy find it OK to have sex without his penis being involved in any way? I don't think so.

3. This is why there is absolutely NO reason why a clitoris shouldn't be given the same amount of attention as a penis.

If you're interested in finding out more about Rebecca's book, here's Tracee Cornforth's highly informative interview with her.

Clitoral stimulation for lazybone(r)s (hahaha, soooo funny!)



Finally, I'm aware that many people find it difficult to maintain stimulation on their partner's clitoris during sex. Which is why I always insist on the importance of not having penetrative sex. Because when you're enveloped in your own pleasure, busy enjoying the sensations around your penis during penetrative sex, focusing on maintaining pressure on the clitoral area can be a challenge.

However, if you do want to have penetrative sex, a clitoral stimulator can come in handy. Staff at sex shops can advise. I chatted to the staff down at Easylove and they said that right now, their most popular model is tongue-shaped with a finger hoop on each side so it doesn't slide off your hand. It also provides intense vibration, which many women prefer. So, there you go, wisdom out of the sex shop. Here's an entertaining video explaining different types of clitoral stimulators. Cheerio! And remember: Freud is NOT your Friend!