Wednesday, 9 February 2011

The "OMG Am I a Macho?" Questionnaire Part I

So, I'm trying to put together this OMG Am I a Macho? questionnaire for anyone eager to find out. My Marxist friend gave me the idea when he asked for a scientific method to determine where he is on the macho scale. Anyway, I've tried really hard to come up with a catalogue of questions, but I find it difficult to do so without sounding presumptuous or producing a thinly veiled rant about former boyfriends. So far, I've come up with the following:

  • do you drive a sports car? Or would you really like to?
  • do you constantly feel like the women around you need your protection?
  • do you feel like you're the bee's knees and women are just waiting for you to approach them wherever you go?
  • do you like women primarily for their looks?
  • does your partner do the bulk of your cleaning, cooking and ironing?
  • do you regularly do weights and crunches? Do you know what a triceps is and how many grammes of chicken you must eat along with your protein powder so your abs become defined? Or do you wish you knew?
  • do you shave your bermuda triangle? Too abstract: your ball sack/the base of your penis?
  • do you like to impress women by defeating other men?
  • do you agree with the following statement: men should hold doors open for women, and not the other way round?
  • do you think women shouldn't be doing a man's job? And a man shouldn't be doing a woman's job?
  • do you think women should be the primary carer of your children?
  • do you have two mobile phones so neither of your two girlfriends gets suspicious?
So that's a little list, but I'm not happy with it, to be honest. The idea is that the more of these you answer with a "yes", the higher you are on the macho scale. Women who agree with many of these statements can consider themselves machos too, if they want. Any input, just send it my way and we can see if we can come up with an "OMG Am I a Macho" questionnaire Part II together.


  1. Perhaps you could include questions such as "would you have a relationship with a woman that made more money than you or held a more prestigious position? Also, I have known a few macho jerks who drove trucks, and some non machos who drove beater sports cars :) I think the question is whether they feel their vehicle presents them as "masculine." My neighbor has a huge diesel truck that he soldered exhaust "stacks" (huge upright pipes) on the back of. He's kind of a little guy, and I think the bigness makes him feel bigger. I don't know, just a few ideas.

  2. Hahaha, I think you're right A.J.A. Thanks a lot for your ideas!

  3. Hey, according to your questions, I can proudly boast that I'm not a Macho.
    My girlfriend still disagrees...
    She thinks that jokes concerning gender roles should be another criterion ;)

  4. Thanks for this, Anonymous (I know who you are, secretly:p). Any more input, please send it!

  5. My girlfriend thinks that this is more like an "arrogant asshole" test. She thinks that biased jokes, casual comments in everyday life ("as your in the kitchen, could you take this and that with you") or curses while driving ("Damn, that must have benn a retiree or a woman" have more to do with sexism.
    Of course, she wants me to confess that I'm a sexist :-P